Accountability - a word foreign to cults
With my experience with abusers and cults, it has never been their fault. Those of you that are survivors of abusive relationships and cults understand this and have experienced this. The accountability only comes from you, because you are the one lacking, not them. They gave you everything, did everything for you, you're the one that turned your back.
Now, we survivors all know that this is not true. I'll even give an example for those who may not be sure that they have gone through something like this. My first husband started with emotional and mental abuse. This was something I was familiar with because I had grown up with this and experienced this during my time in Remnant Fellowship. Because of the familiarity, I didn't question it, because I lacked confidence and already knew that I was lacking as a person. My previous sexual history before my first husband was held against me, even though I had been celibate for almost two years and hadn't behaved that way for longer. I was not a submissive enough wife, I wasn't as accommodating to my husband, I dared to have other relationship experience, I didn't consult him on decisions, he didn't like my friends, he didn't like my family, etc. This was all my fault and I took it because that's what I was taught to do. I did everything I could to prove that I was loyal, trustworthy, that I loved him with my whole being, that I would put him first in everything I did. It was never good enough. I had to quit jobs, cut off friends and family, answer every call and text, I couldn't go anywhere by myself, I couldn't even acknowledge other men. None of this was accepted or showed how much I loved him and cared for him. Does this all sound familiar? You lay down your life, change who you are and it still is never enough. When you finally decide to fight back, how dare you? You also better make sure your argument is air tight as well, because they will find a way to turn it back on you, and somehow you will end up being the one to apologize. I say this as a fact, because it always happened to me. I didn't know how to truly advocate for myself, I lacked self esteem and self worth, so fighting back was futile until I acknowledged that I was good, not selfish, not a whore, etc.
The issue with abusers and cults is that they will never admit that they are the problem. They will continue to spread lies and falsehoods about you, no matter what you do. They will continue to label you the problem, you were the one who couldn't make it work. "Look at everyone else!" they'll say. "They get it, they love it, they're doing it!". You are gaslit to oblivion. You're left to wander despairing that you turned your back on God, you're not good enough for anyone or anything, you didn't try hard enough. It's a miserable existence. Then you start finding people that share your experience and start validating you.
For me, it started when I went to counseling during the divorce process and to also get to the bottom of why I reacted the way I did to my first husband. I knew that I wasn't well and I was in a place where I was ready to find out. What I learned during the few counseling sessions that I had was that I did do wrong, but I had to own my mistakes and only mine. I couldn't take on my husband's. That was for him to do. Was he ever going to do it? I don't know, that's on him. It's through my perception at the time that he did not and once he realized he started losing control of me once the divorce was final, things got ugly. Now, me sharing this is not to say that you did anything wrong while you were involved in the cult you were in, or the abusive relationship that you were in. This was just my experience. I did do wrong things while I was with my first husband. I made the decision to terminate the child I was carrying, and we did have physical fights to the point where cops were called. Just because I was damaged and stuffing down years of trauma did not give me leave to put my hands on anyone, no matter how it made me feel. Even if he did hit me back or start it, it is never ok to put hands on people. He used this to hurt me further and it did, but it actually made me stronger and drove the wedge deeper between us, allowing me to wake up and realized that I had a long road of healing ahead of me.
Remnant Fellowship has chosen to paint the ex members that have spoken out to be liars. They have a whole statement on their website about it and on the Beyond Zion Instagram I go through it piece by piece. This is typical abuser behavior. They fight back at any and all accusations and present the best face. The problem is, everyone's perception is valid, even theirs. Let me ask you, how many churches that you have belonged to try to demonize and invalidate you when you left? In the case of Xenos/Dwell Community Church, they have overwhelming proof that they have been in the wrong for quite some time, yet they say they can't repent until they have accusations that are not anonymous and people need to start putting faces to the accusations. What they may be missing, intentionally or unintentionally is that people have put faces to the accusations. People have spoken out and all stories can be woven and intertwined, they are all the same. It begs the question, what additional proof do you need? Why won't you allow any current members speak out? Why are you trying to control the narrative? I see red flag after red flag and yet Xenos/Dwell Community church is still strong in their stance. They'll repent when they can get the whole story and when survivors stop being anonymous.
If you need further proof past the NBC4 - Columbus, Ohio expose done by Jamie Ostroff, check out the website - www.xenosisacult.com
On that website alone there are almost 200 testimonies from former members and the creator of the website had laid out all of the reasons why Xenos/Dwell Community church is in fact a cult. Soon I will also be posting former Xenos member stories to help further prove how dangerous and organization like Xenos is. I would like to extend this offer to any cult survivor as well. I am always willing to give my space to help people heal and to feel safe enough to speak out. Even though my non profit is in transition, the message and mission is still the same; give survivors hope, a map to healing and a safe space to express their experience without judgement and true confidentiality.
#xenosisacult #remnantfellowshipisacult #cultabuse #cultawareness #brentwoodtn #columbusoh #dwellcommunitychurchisacult #cultsurvivors #cultsurvivor #cultabuseawareness #dwellcommunitychurch #xenos #nbc4columbusohio #hbomax #nilecapello #beyondzion